


a small stab, a major wound

by keitoss



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Sylvain Jose Gautier-centric, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dont tell sylvain that though, emetophobia warning, felix really does love him, i cant write in old timey speech so if that bothers you im sorry, just mentions nothing graphic, not that the game really does either, sylvains a flirty bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23332762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keitoss/pseuds/keitoss
Summary: Sylvain has no concern for his own life.Felix is going to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid, as always.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Kudos: 67





	a small stab, a major wound

"Get on your guard, Sylvain!" Felix shouted, frustration obvious as Sylvain once again was nicked by his training sword. 

"Just letting you get a few in, making you feel good about yourself." Sylvain flashed a grin, moving in with his lance to return the favor. That idea was shut down quickly by Felix kicking out his legs from under him. Sylvain coughed as the air left his lungs. "Damn, if you wanted me on the floor you could've just said s-"

"Stop messing around." Felix snapped back, pressing him to the floor with one foot. "If this were a real battle you would be dead by now. What's wrong with you today? It's like you're not even trying." He eased up the weight he was applying to Sylvain's chest upon hearing him struggle to take a breath.

"I guess you're just on top of it today. You're always training, you gotta cut a guy like me some slack." He attempted to push himself off the ground, but Felix reapplied the pressure onto his chest to keep him still.

"A guy like you?" Felix scoffed. "You can't be using excuses like that, Sylvain. Not with me. You're better than that." He removed his foot from Sylvain's chest, observing him with a scowl as the ginger sat up, taking deep breaths.

Felix decided he had had enough, and clearly Sylvain needed to stop as well. He racked Sylvain's lance and sheathed his sword. There was a great length of silence between the two of them before one of them decided to break it.

"When was the last time?" Felix phrased it more as a command than as a question, with the way he always asked.

Sylvain wouldn't make eye contact, instead choosing a weed growing up out of the sand to stare at. "..Three nights ago." He replied, all charm and enthusiasm in his voice gone as the subject turned serious. He heard Felix sigh from above him, and when he looked to the black haired man he saw a hand extended out towards him. He grabbed it, partially pulling himself up and partially being pulled up. 

"Have you thrown all the bottles away?" Felix said, no bitterness or disappointment apparent in his voice.

"Most of them." Sylvain said, releasing Felix's hand after realizing he had been holding it for a bit too long.

"Take me to your room." Felix said plainly. 

Sylvain smirked, his cockiness returning somewhat-as if it could ever truly be gone. "Oh, only if you insist babe." Felix just sighed and shook his head, feeling that he shouldn't entertain that statement with a reply.

Sylvain's room was surprisingly neat, from what you could tell. He mostly shoved his messes into the closet, but aside from that he was cleaner than most in the monastery. Felix made quick work of dumping the bottles of alcohol out the window, setting the emptied bottles by the door so that he could take and dispose of them when he left. Sylvain hadn't lied when he said that he had gotten rid of most of them, Felix only had to dump two. It had become routine for them, unfortunately. Sylvain would steal alcohol from the kitchen cellars, take it back to his room, and drink until he felt a different kind of bad than what he did originally. Sylvain could control hangovers, he could control where the contents of his stomach went when he drank too much. He couldn't control the feeling of wishing he was dead, the ache he felt from bruises that were long gone, the lingering burning of hands on him, or the way his brain told him he wasn't good enough-that he never would be. Felix wished he could do something more than be his clean-up crew, but he really didn't know what more he could do. For now, he was going to just be there for him in the only way he knew how to be.

"Get some rest, whore." Felix gave Sylvain a rare smile, mostly to show that there was no bite in his words. Sylvain always knew that there wasn't, he knew how Felix was just as well as the other knew him. "And don't forget that the Professor said they wanted us all in class at 9 tomorrow morning. This includes you, even if I have to drag your ass down there with me."

"Understood, handsome." Sylvain winked as Felix simply rolled his eyes and collected the bottles at the door with a soft clink. He shut the door behind Felix, sighing as he looked at the window. 

On the sill, he had a vase...well. He called it a vase, but in truth he had an alcohol bottle with the label torn off. It was filled with water and some flowers that were beginning to wilt. He made a mental note to pick more to replace them from the greenhouse. He wasn't normally the type to keep up with things like that, but it was Felix's idea to make use of the first bottle he emptied for something less depressing. He can still remember when the other man came to his room with the bottle, neatly cleaned and filled with white roses. He noted that none of them had thorns, and he wasn't surprised in the slightest that Felix would be so meticulous. 

Drawing his attention away from the vase, he looked to the sun setting outside of his window. He decided that this was his cue to "Get some rest, whore.", as Felix had said. He climbed into bed, keeping to his promise.

Looking out over the field, all he saw was red. He was covered in sweat, only wishing he himself was in the place of one of his comrades that were scattered across the field. There was one other thing on his mind though. 

He had to find Felix.

He was pushing Pippa, his horse, affectionately named by Felix, on towards the direction he had last seen Felix go. He reached a clearing in the trees, and his heart sank. He dismounted his horse so quickly that he tripped, getting one of his feet caught in the stirrups. He recovered quickly, running over to the blue and black and... red mass on the ground. 

"Felix!" He yelled, rolling the man over to see his face. "Are you oka-" 

The words died in his mouth as he saw that Felix's skull was smashed in.

He woke up grasping at his sheets, drenched in sweat. God, he wished they hadn't poured out the alcohol tonight.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep, he got up and put on a pair of pants and the button down shirt from his uniform, opening the door and heading to the cathedral bridge. He did this often when he couldn't sleep. 

When he arrived, he swung his legs over the ledge and sat, staring out over the expanse below him. 

Jump. A voice in his head always said it. Whenever he escaped to find solace here, his brain came circling back to the times when he went to this bridge to do just that. 

Maybe he could.

Sylvain Jose Gautier, despite his outward appearance, hadn't felt happy in a long time. He wished he could get over it, to just forget his past, forget Miklan, forget the countless deaths he's witnessed. 

Wishes don't always come true.

He stood up, feeling the wind pick up and feather through his hair.

Maybe he could.

He looked down over the expanse again, wondering just how far down it was. 

How long it would take them to find his body.

To notice that he was gone.

He felt himself leaning forward, and just as he did so he felt strong hands grabbing the backs of his legs. He almost fell just from shock.

"Don't you fucking dare." A familiar voice said, releasing his legs.

Sylvain slowly lowered himself, turning around to see exactly who he expected. Felix extended his hand out just as before, and Sylvain took it. Neither of them spoke for a seemingly long time. They moved in unison to sit on the ledge of the bridge, this time facing towards the walkway. Sylvain opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't." Felix said simply. He looked to Sylvain, and despite the darkness making it difficult to see, Sylvain could've sworn he saw Felix's eyes watering just a little. 

"I'm sorry." Sylvain replied. Felix shook his head, looking to the sky above him before speaking again.

"You don't need to be sorry. You need to come to me when you feel like this... You need to stop trying to deal with all this by yourself." Felix looked the taller man in the eyes. "I am here for you, whether you want me to be or not. And I'm going to make damn sure that you stick around for a long time." 

"If you really want me around, then I'll make sure you can't get rid of me." Sylvain replied, fully serious in saying so.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn't mind that." Felix said, giving a soft smile to Sylvain.

Sylvain leaned forward, cupping Felix's face as he kissed him in the dark.

Maybe living just a little longer wouldn't be so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> [On a lighter note, if you want to know why Felix chose that name for Sylvain's horse, look up "pippa italian meaning"]


End file.
